Men: HER workout is not YOUR workout

Almost a year ago, I came home from work to find my wife glued to the television, salivating over what appeared to be a cheesy fitness infomercial.  Want to be in the best shape of your life?  Get rock hard abs, toned legs, and powerful arms.  Get RIPPED in 90 days.  The infomercial featured both men and women, perfectly shaped, performing a variety of gut-wrenching exercises.  "Let's do it," my wife, Hollie, said seriously.  Intrigued, I decided to take her up on the challenge.

We were going to get ripped--in 90 days.  

After receiving our set of workout DVDs, a nutrition guide that would give Jenny Craig a run for her money, and a separately ordered pull-up bar (which ultimately proved incompatible with our cinderblock walls and steel-framed doorways), we were ready to begin.

The workouts were incredibly intense--an hour to an hour-and-a-half of exercise, 6 days a week--and the nutrition program was very strict.  Each workout was directed by the stereotypical "fitness instructor dude," who bore an odd resemblance to Skeletor from the 1980s He-Man cartoons.  His motivation style was militant, always daring his minions to even try to outperform him on the pull-bar, dumbbell curls, and abdominal crunches.  I welcomed his gritty challenges (and, yes, even his fitness jokes that never seemed to hit the mark).

Hollie would just roll her eyes and follow along.

After the first week, we were already beginning to notice some positive changes in our bodies.  In fact, it was Hollie who saw the most tangible results; she had managed to trim several inches off of her waist and an inch or so off of her thighs.  My results were a little less tangible; I could detect an added strength to my core and back muscles, but felt that I looked basically the same in the mirror.  The small improvements, though, were encouraging, and with every day the diet seemed to feel more and more natural. 

Soon, however, things began to change.  After about the first month of our 90-day adventure, Hollie started losing interest in the workouts.  "They're too long," she would say, "and they're always the same."  She also expressed a growing concern; while she might have seen major changes in her body during the first week or two, she now thought her progress was going much too slowly to reach the desired goal.  I, on the other hand, had by this time lost three inches off my waist, and added very discernable definition to my muscles.  I would turn on each DVD with a scowl on my face, ready to prove our never-satisfied fitness instructor just how lean and mean I was.

About halfway through the second month, Hollie dropped out of get-ripped class.  Ultimately, she chose to enroll in an aerobics class offered locally.  She later added a running program to mix things up--something she follows religiously to this day.

I went on to finish the program, and while I never looked like anyone featured on the infomercial, I did feel much better about my body, and had more energy than I have ever had in my life.

In the end, both Hollie and I found workouts that suited us.  But what made her quit (what I thought was) such an effective workout regimen?  She told me that it was designed for men; that the types of exercises and the motivational style was geared toward the male psyche.  I argued that there were women on the DVDs, so it must certainly be for women as well.

What I have come to learn since then is that in most cases, men and women are wired completely differently when it comes to exercise.  Your workout, in many (if not, most) cases, is not HER workout.

Here are three things that I have come to learn about the workout gender gap.  I may be stereotyping a bit, so I will try to use words like generally and frequently, rather than always or never.

1. Men's and women's bodies respond differently to diet and exercise.  This is not a stereotype--it's biology.  Men and women can perform the same exercises and get different results.  Why?  Testosterone certainly plays a large part.  This predominantly male hormone is what triggers muscle growth, among other things.  This means that men will get stronger, faster.  They will also build bigger muscles, which burn fat faster.  If a man and a woman are doing the same workout side by side, this may lead the woman to become discouraged.

2. Women often have different fitness end-goals than men.  Men frequently try to look intimidating, with strong muscles and a wide frame.  Women, on the other hand, usually seek a sleeker frame, with toned, long muscles.  These very different bodies are attained through different workouts.  To achieve the "ideal man-frame," there should be a heavy focus on anaerobic lifting with heavy weights.  To get the "ideal woman-frame," the emphasis needs to be on cardio and lighter weights.

3. Most women prefer encouragement, rather than a challenge.  This is a note to any bachelors out there: except in rare cases, women don't want to be told how weak, out-of-shape, or soft they are.  When I attended my wife's aerobics class once with her, I realized this fact.  The workouts were every bit as intense, but the focus was on a communal achievement, rather than a "can-you-top-this" arrogance.  Women often want to connect, rather than compete with each other.  

In the end, it may be true that one of the best things a couple can do together is exercise.  A gym date is an ideal weekday activity for the married couple looking to stay in shape.  But men, if your wife finds your endless clanking of ridiculous amounts of weight and that purple-faced, eye-bulging face you make as you lift them a little bit of a turn-off, don't be offended.

Unless of course you plan on joining her for the belly dance class afterwards.